Adele has been forced to cancel a pair of upcoming shows at London’s Wembley Stadium after damaging her vocal cords.

The shows were to mark the conclusion of Adele’s massive world tour in support of her latest album, 25. However, as she detailed in an open letter, she “struggled through” her first two nights at Wembley: “I had to push a lot harder than I normal do.” Following the second performance, Adele visited her throat doctor and was diagnosed with damaged vocal cords and advised to scrap her remaining concerts.

Adele said she considered doing Saturday night’s show, but “maxed out on steroids and aids for my voice” and “it’s highly unlikely I’d even make it through the set and I simply can’t crumble in front of you all.”

The 29-year-old pop singer called her stint at Wembley a “milestone in my career … it’s as if my whole career has been building up these four shows.” The decision to cancel has left her “devastated,” she added, “I have done 121 shows and I have 2 left. 2 left!!! And they are 2 gigantic shows! Who the fuck cancels a show at Wembley Stadium?” I have changed my whole life drastically in every way to make sure I got through this tour.”

Read Adele’s full note below.

It remains to be seen when Adele will return to the stage — if ever. The singer has made no secret of her disdain for touring and has reportedly told fans she may retire following the conclusion of her 25 tour.